Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Six words and a visit to the dentist

Six words: Friends arrive only after great devastation.
'Cause when you've got no self confidence and you'd do anything to make a friend, people get repulsed your cloying desperation and it's only after you say "forget that, I don't need no friends" that you can love yourself and then people see that you're worth loving. You have to hit rock bottom on your own, which really sucks.
I was tagged by Megan, who is taking a nursing course with a really ignorant professor at the moment.

I go to see a dentist for the first time since July 2002. He tells me, very sternly, that my dental hygiene needs to improve. He says he's sure that I can find a toothepaste that I can tolerate and the floride is important. Yeah right. I am too intimidated to say anything; tears are threatening. Twenty minutes later I will bolt upright in his chair, gasping for breath, my teeth chattering, goosebumps on my skin, rocking myself, knowing that he is speaking to me and making out maybe half the words, unable to speak. I will lie back down without recovering the ability to speak.
LISTEN! I am autistic and I have severe sensory processing dysfunction. I put that on your form, which you glanced over in front of me. It took me a great deal of courage to get to your office. I'm scared. I don't need a lecture. I'm spending my entire paycheck to be here. I have very big problems in my life and my teeth don't rank very high on my list of concerns. I appreciate that teeth matter a lot to you, but you need to ask me how much my teeth matter to me and what level of care I'm willing to do for them, and you neeed to respect my answer. I do not neglect my teeth just because I'd like them to rot or because I'm ignorant. As a matter of fact, brushing my teeth is extremely painful for me. I'd rather be punched in the nose. Heck, I'd rather be kicked in the stomache. Are you hearing me? Listen!


Lili said...

Wow. I'm kind of frustrated right now with my dentist (as a dentist, not because he's bad or anything), because he just doesn't get it. For example, I explained that I don't floss because it's extremely painful and makes my gums bleed and swell up so that I can't eat for more than 24 hours. He just keeps saying I have to floss every day. I mean, if I could, I would, you know? I think they're used to people who lie or exaggerate and don't get that I just tell it like it is.

I'm not autistic, but I have some things in common.

Molly said...

That's horrible.
You were doing a good thing by seeing a dentist, despite your anxieties.
The dentist did a poor job listening to you, and attempting to understand.
So sorry.